Aftermath of Frigga's death
by SassyArtichoke
Summary: Loki's reaction to his mother's death. Frigga has fallen in battle while Loki sits in his cell, oblivious of her death until a guard informs him. Does Loki still care for her? He knew he shouldn't. After all, she wasn't his mother. I was inspired by the brilliant acting of Tom Hiddleston in Thor 2 and the scene after the funeral of Frigga when Thor asks his brother for help.


**Authors note:** This is a one shot I wrote four years ago, when I was obsessing over Loki in Thor 1 and 2. I found it recently and decided to upload it here to get your feedback as I'm curious about what you think :) Enjoy! (I'm German so please forgive my mistakes!)

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Loki was sitting in a large white cell. The sound of battle had gone hours ago. Everything was silent. No sound. No screams of battle. Had Odin fallen? At least he hoped so. His plan should have succeeded. But what would his mother do now?

"She's not my mother.", he said to himself for the 100th time. He should not love her. He loved no one. He didn't need anybody.

He turned a page of the book he was reading when suddenly a guard walked toward his cell.

"Prince Loki, Odin has sent me to inform you that your mother, Queen Frigga, has fallen in battle."

Loki just nodded shortly and dismissed the guard. Only then the news hit him like a hammer. It was as if someone had punched him in the gut. He couldn't breath. He couldn't hear anything. His eyes were open but he didn't see anything. He didn't even feel anything anymore.

Numbly he stood up without even realizing he was moving. In trance he laid his book back on the table and walked slowly to the middle of the room.

She's gone. He didn't notice that he had tossed away the objects that were around him with his sedir. The clattering sound didn't reach his ears. It was his fault. Loki picked up the book which had fallen to the ground. Frigga had given it to him once. It seemed like it was yesterday.

Suddenly he felt the urge to destroy everything that reminded him of her. With a suppressed cry he threw the book against the wall.

"She's not my mother!", he yelled and grabbed the chair. With a loud crack it shattered on the floor but it wasn't enough.

"SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER!", he screamed in rage but the pain in his frozen heart wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Why was he so in pain? He shouldn't care about her! He shouldn't feel anything! The table was cracked into peaces when the sedir got out of control. The glass flagon shattered loudly on the ground.

"She's not dead!"

He refused to accept the truth. It couldn't be true. No, she couldn't be gone! Not now! Not like this!

Another object was destroyed by his uncontrolled powers.

"Nooooo!", the long unshed tears were running down his face. He choked. Uncontrolled sobs came out of his mouth.

It was all Odin's fault! He should have protected her! He should have saved her!

"WHY!", he cried desperately, his tears blurring his view. Why her? Odin should have-

No. It was all his own fault. He shouldn't have helped this monster. Frigga would be alive and safe now. Why couldn't he hold his tongue? It should have been cut out long ago. It had always caused pain and misery. He tasted blood in his mouth He wished he could just rip it out of his damn mouth!

"I'm a monster. I deserve to die. _I_ deserve this! BUT NOT HER! NOT MY MOTHER!"

He looked around the room to find something that could hurt him. Something that could help him to ignore the pain in his heart with hurting himself physically. His gaze turned to the shards of glass on the floor. No, this wouldn't bring his mother back. His foot made a step forward. She wouldn't want that. Another step. She would never come back, so does it even matter?

A sharp pain made him wake up from his numbness. He clenched his jaw. Warm blood was dripping on the floor and colored it dark red. White and red.

He felt the pain under his feet, the only thing that was real. He took another step and didn't really notice how much he was already bleeding. But he couldn't care less anyway. He couldn't stop harming himself. She would never come back. The only person who truly loved him was gone forever. He would never hear her angelic voice again.

His hands began shaking violently. He would never overcome this pain. There was no hope anymore. It was too late. He couldn't change anything. He couldn't change the past. He was too late.

He stepped out of the shattered glass. This was wrong. This shouldn't have happened. He tried to form words but his tears made it even hard to breathe. His eyes were almost completely red from the tears.

It was all over. His knees began shaking of exhaustion. He leaned against the wall. He was too weak t stand on his own feet. He let out a shaky breath and let his body slid down the wall until he was sitting on the cold white floor. He had finally given up. He had accepted the truth.

His eyes were empty.

Everything went wrong. From the very beginning. He should have never found out about his true origin. He should have stopped Thor to go to Jotunheim. He shouldn't have provoked him to do it.

He should have continued to live a lie. For the first time he wanted to live, believe this lie. He had lost everything.

His hands clenched when he emitted a long, desperate cry. His hands shook violently as he screamed until the had no voice anymore. Then he let his stiff body fall back against the wall and slumped. All the strength and rage were gone. There was only complete emptiness. It was like his soul had vanished. Or did he ever had one? It didn't matter anymore. His life was over. It had been a long time ago but now he knew it for certain.

He didn't want to live anymore. But he didn't want to die either. He wouldn't come to Hel, nor to Valhalla. It rejected him a long time ago. When he fell down the abyss with the intention to die, not even Hel wanted him.

He deserved something far worse then Hel. He was condemned to live.

Loki was sitting like that for hours, not moving. When he heard heavy footsteps coming nearer, he quickly made an illusion of himself and the cell. He couldn't let the chaos and his broken state be seen by anyone. His illusion showed him before the outburst. Clean and neat. No sign of the destruction he had caused.

The footsteps were coming closer and he let his illusion walk over to the visitor.

It was Thor. His _brother_. What by Hel was he doing here? What did he want now?

Thor said nothing. He just stood there, watching him. Finally Loki opened his mouth.

"After all this time, now you come to visit me.", he leaned forward and hissed, " _Why?_ "

His older brother didn't respond.

"Have you come to gloat? To mock-"

"Loki, enough.", Thor interrupted him, "No more illusions."

The last bit of resistance was finally gone. He wasn't strong enough to lie and manipulate anymore. Defeated he closed his eyes and sighed softly. Then he let his illusion fall and Thor could see all the damage he had caused.

"Now you see me, brother."

He tried to read the look in Thor's eyes but there was nothing. So Thor didn't love him anymore too. Thor, the one who wouldn't give up on him. The one couldn't let go. The one who couldn't stop forgiving him. And now even his pathetic brother couldn't overlook his actions anymore.

It made Loki angry. He had given up on him! Now, when he needed him most, he let him down!

Thor walked around the cell to see him better. Loki watched him warily.

"Did she suffer?"

This question just slipped out of him. It bothered him for a while now. But now that he just worded the question he wasn't sure if he wanted to know it anymore.

"I didn't come here to share our grief.", Thor said and let the question unanswered, "Still, I offer you the chance of a far richer sacrament."

Now that was interesting.

"Go on."

Thor continued:"I know you seek vengeance has much as I do."

Oh yes he did. No, even more than that. Thor hadn't lost everything. He still had Odin and this mortal he was so fond of.

"You will help me escape Asgard and I will grant it to you: Vengeance."

So Odin didn't even let his favorite and only son go? How pathetic.

"And afterwards, this cell.", Thor finished and Loki flinched. The cell. He would rot in this cell forever.

He considered his offer. It was the only way to revenge his mother's death. Loki cocked his head.

"When do we start?"


End file.
